Posts Tagged ‘thought’

…And my unconscious share the night with the lonely cold moon…

All my fears were soaking deep through the rocks under my numb body…

I got no idea how my tears turned into sweet pillow of tranquil insanity…

I had no idea if I will open my eyes again …

Abruptly ,  I felt how the sunrise started to burn my fresh scars…

Probably that was one of the few moments that I could say I was so happy of feeling pain … Cause that was the only way to coax my blurry mind that I am still alive.

And I was  there sizzling, enjoying my  extra minutes of vitality …

” As near you get to the peak it gets harder doesn’t it? ”

I turned my face up wondering who said that.

And there in front of my blurry vision there was an old skinny person … Barefoot , skimpy dusty clothes … I could not manage to see his face clearly cause the sun was throwing its rays straight through him …

Somehow I pull off my body of the rocks…

I stared shocked for a while at that strange person that was on the same rocky path as me…

” Who are you? What are you doing here? ” – asked him with the hope that he will make me calm with some good  news that I am not so lost…

…. He did not answer me at all…

He turned his back and slowly start walking down my path… Straight from where I was coming from…

” Hey… Stop  … I need to know where I am ? Where and when would be the end of all that?” – was shouting desperately , hoping  he will  answer me…

Even without turning his face to me he just raised his arm , pointing  the mountain behind us:

“You need to  go over there. Everyone  wants to be there. … But very few knows what they want to find there ”

” You’ve been there?” – I asked him curiously .

” Actually  , everyone of us got the chance to be there  by some reason … Otherwise why we are trying so hard ? ” – by adding this the guy shade just melt in the burning horizon …

 

So I head faraway from that shore… Step by step just to go away from that shore… After few minutes of my  tiny existence, I am  passing bushes of green- get into the wild jungle of this island, of this experience …

As further I get into this wilderness as much I feel how my heart got pumped up and get over my mind…Is it the humidity of that jungle i step into or just the shade of my destiny… Probably I will never get to know…

So I am going into the deep wilderness …  Grass comes into bushes… Bushes into trees … Threes into wild uncontrollable emotions…

And without sense of time I am there… In the middle of that jungle… No matter where I will turn my eyesight  I am surrendered of palm threes and colourful plants. So much colours that my soul totally overtake the  control of my mind… I smile… Without a reason… Smile of all that brings a colour in my life  right now!!! I smile at all that proves to me I could see around me and all that make me forget the feeling of being blind…

I am starving.. Starving for that fruit full of colour that will fill up my grey soul… I touch with eyes all that rainbow colours that surrounds me… I smell all that tropical air of mixed feelings… I stop my eyesight on this little red cherry full of passion … Without realizing how I take it off the brunch of life , it is already intimidating with my dry and cracked of loneliness lips… I swallow all that colour in me !!!!  

Suddenly I start hearing all that monkey screams… That makes all of the leaves in that jungle shiver… I feel how the southern wind  warms up my dead cold soul and makes it boil… I dare to say… I could admit my  tired feet manage to make a step ahead… Tasting that poison of  emotions, dreams, ideas and sense for surviving in this lonely life…. I see through the life point, I am blind for all of the rest…I am deaf for my logic, I hear the madness of my heart …With each pulse beat in my veins… With each breath I take… I am getting closer to that drawing called happiness. 

I am running .. Running as wild animal… I forget all of that pain  that makes me feel helpless… I do not pay attention to all those spikes of sin that  scares my naked skin…My body is bleeding… My ankles are struggling catching up with my temp… But you know what??? I am smiling… Cause I am living in that rainbow world of happiness… And there is no reason … There should not be any… I am just happy  lost person in my own emotions and I do not care if you are going to find explanation or not…

And as I am running , drugged by the unreasonable happiness of me being living in that huge nothing… I felt thirsty… Thirsty for the truth of me being here in this world, in this time, in this location…. My feet  hit the wet stones around that little streamlet … My knees hit the ground, tired and scared…. My lips taste of that freshness called sobriety… I totally  soaked into that  … My mind start pulling the strings of my soul …And something  snaps through my sense of survival … I pull up my eyes away from that coolish water and stare ahead… Into the eyes of that beast… Having freshness from the same stream as me.. Our eyes cross…Tiger full of stripes of anger… Its eyes full of madness…It is not the beast across me… It is just me mirroring on the water surface.. All that I am afraid of… Straight across my eyes…It stares in me like the very next prey…Looking for my  weak sides … It wants to bite me.. To  tear me on tiny pieces of thoughtless reasons of existence… I am scared… It is starving for flesh of fear…But I got nothing to lose… Just dreams captured in flesh of human life…

I find  strength to pick up myself above all of that zero ground of nothing that human weakness… And to run away… But I am not running away that beast … I am running away of what I should not be turn into… I run away from all that death and pain  that makes me feel just a creator… I run away from sadness… I run away from that pain that just fear could grow up in  my soul.. Heading the end of the jungle of my emotional catharsis… Heading to the true colour of my existence…

Someone up  there gifted you with all you need – life…

Life gave you all you desire for – path…

That path gave you all you wish for – dreams…

And  here you are – on your path, walking step by step, wondering when that thing called ” DREAM” will come true. And you are confused, which is the right direction. And you are scared of all that danger that you might face on your way to happiness.

You should not be ashamed of that so need needed but so missing answer- most of us do not have it too.But the main idea is not waste time of wondering…

Put your dream in front of your eyes – that is the direction. Pack in your mind all of your unique ideas – that is all of the language you need through all of that  life adventure. Start walking… Just step by step ahead…

Do not feel sorry if you step in the mud with your bare feet… Even you should be proud of it. Probably you would be the only one- brave enough to make it with dignity of a wise person.

Do not be scared of the stormy clouds above your head. This is no danger, especially if your dream is a top of a huge mountain , way above the clouds.

Do not feel miserable when your skin soaked in that pouring rain of stupor , loneliness and misunderstanding . It is just the tears of all those selfish people that are too scared to believe in their pure dreams. The tears of all those that are not brave enough to be like you.

You are completely deaf for that wind which brings to your ears the sound of all that  crowd of regret…Wind that tries to roughly spike your mind , every time when you run towards your dream.This is no pain- you are too much into the sound of your heart that beats as a tons of steal, like  a steam engine with one goal – your dream. And the weight of that massive train is about to smash every little thing that lays on your rails ….You are about to smash every little  bug of hypocrisy, every little coin of greed, every wall of social regret..

And when you are that battlefield – do not fear that you are all alone against all. Do not feel weak , because your bare hands that should face the billions of deadly blades. Do not go out there with the thought that you are about to lose your live. Go out there with that thought that you are about to prove there is a reason to keep living – the reason your dream  should come true. Go out there and spill your last drop of love for that dream. Go out there and waste your last breath of hope for that idea.Go out there with a smile of already gained victory. Because the fact you reached it over here makes you already a winner.

Stand up in front of all that could kill you with no fear. There is no way you could lose a battle that you already won . Just the fact you have got that big heart which is  brave enough to face all of your fears. Just because you are one of those knights that for most of us  these days are just a myth. Just  because you know what you want and you are ready to spill all you got  for that little taste of happiness …. All that  makes you immortal, makes your  existence reasonable and in the end there is nothing else than sweet taste of satisfaction of your right-spent life.

Tasting that glory moment  straight from the tip of your lips… You are there… Your bare feet are buried into that fresh grass of joy, that tickles you and brings smile on your face. You could see the success in the clean sky above the storm. You could hear the raw sound of that solo guitar of your well done walk.

At that point you realize that everyone could be on the top of the world , but only you could be on the top of that dream. Oxygen of fresh freedom fills up your tired lungs.Sun of happiness tender kiss your eyes. The wind of loneliness just softly play with the leaves of your memories.

Today, was staring at the clouds chasing each others… At that moment the string of my heart just told me ” Do you see that? The grey ones are pushing the white ones far away?”… At that point I start thinking what is going on in my  life… And what should go on???

I tried to point the right way by my thoughts to rest around me but I could not get a thoughtful way for me.

I tried to help but I could not get help for myself….

I tried to love but I could not get love for myself….

I tried to live for the others but could not get life for myself …

I cut flesh of my flesh to feed  all of the starving ones.

I spill words of my words to let the speech flow into the ears of the deaf ones.

I spray thoughts of my thoughts to  make the  senseless get an a reason.

I waste feelings of my feelings to make the dead hearts beat with emotion.

Let me share  piece of my mind and let you know how grey is the way to the rainbow of the happiness.

Let me give you piece of my heart and let you feel how sad is to love without to be loved.

Let me  let you taste the texture of my blood, like a lion caged his innocent prey, hot and sour but so addicting.

Let me put my wings of dreams on your back so you could realize how tiring is to fly around that lonely world.

I guess the destiny tunes are more that our voice could sing in our daily path…

I guess that spot is staffed with empty eyes, stuck minds, confused hearts and little bit of hope…

I guess that place is overcrowded with billions of feelings, tons of dreams, miles of dreams, ocean of tears and sky of sparking smiles….

Have you ever think about our souls? Have you ever think about our minds?Have you ever think about us?

Ah soul… Just a bird  staying  on the dead tree branch… Staring at the warm clothed in red horizon.After years gathering courage, spreads wings and fly towards that view with huge hope of happiness and love… And after  a few miles of lonely flight, sadly turns back head to that  dead branch.But it’s too far away, so just lands on another one- keeping the memory of the old one and its eyes on the unreachable horizon.

Ah mind… Just lonely wolf, waiting for the full moon to tickle with shine  the madness in its eyes.So it could howl until all that pain in its heart could break the darkness of the cold night.And if it is not enough… Has no choice beside to wait for the next one…

Ah people… We are just puppets … No matter how much we want love, happiness, humanity we just can not reach these, because our moves are pulled by the strings of society rules- greed, success, prosperity, money.

Before I put the dot in my sentence of that insane thinking… Before I close my mind for all those not logical for all of you thoughts… Before I shut the door of my heart for all those needs… Let me ask you this my friend… Let me ask you – what are you going to do when all those people that are sacrificing  their flesh, thoughts and feelings for you are gone?… Just because they want a smile on their faces too…

Who will swallow your sour tears? Who will brush away the dark clouds of your sad sky? Who will be the wind in your soul wings? Who will howl next to you in the cold night?

I guess if you know… you reach the perfect spot under that  storm…

I guess if you do not know… you are pretty much done with your existence as a real person and you left only with your human cover,  left out there  as a trash…