Posts Tagged ‘smile’

So I head faraway from that shore… Step by step just to go away from that shore… After few minutes of my  tiny existence, I am  passing bushes of green- get into the wild jungle of this island, of this experience …

As further I get into this wilderness as much I feel how my heart got pumped up and get over my mind…Is it the humidity of that jungle i step into or just the shade of my destiny… Probably I will never get to know…

So I am going into the deep wilderness …  Grass comes into bushes… Bushes into trees … Threes into wild uncontrollable emotions…

And without sense of time I am there… In the middle of that jungle… No matter where I will turn my eyesight  I am surrendered of palm threes and colourful plants. So much colours that my soul totally overtake the  control of my mind… I smile… Without a reason… Smile of all that brings a colour in my life  right now!!! I smile at all that proves to me I could see around me and all that make me forget the feeling of being blind…

I am starving.. Starving for that fruit full of colour that will fill up my grey soul… I touch with eyes all that rainbow colours that surrounds me… I smell all that tropical air of mixed feelings… I stop my eyesight on this little red cherry full of passion … Without realizing how I take it off the brunch of life , it is already intimidating with my dry and cracked of loneliness lips… I swallow all that colour in me !!!!  

Suddenly I start hearing all that monkey screams… That makes all of the leaves in that jungle shiver… I feel how the southern wind  warms up my dead cold soul and makes it boil… I dare to say… I could admit my  tired feet manage to make a step ahead… Tasting that poison of  emotions, dreams, ideas and sense for surviving in this lonely life…. I see through the life point, I am blind for all of the rest…I am deaf for my logic, I hear the madness of my heart …With each pulse beat in my veins… With each breath I take… I am getting closer to that drawing called happiness. 

I am running .. Running as wild animal… I forget all of that pain  that makes me feel helpless… I do not pay attention to all those spikes of sin that  scares my naked skin…My body is bleeding… My ankles are struggling catching up with my temp… But you know what??? I am smiling… Cause I am living in that rainbow world of happiness… And there is no reason … There should not be any… I am just happy  lost person in my own emotions and I do not care if you are going to find explanation or not…

And as I am running , drugged by the unreasonable happiness of me being living in that huge nothing… I felt thirsty… Thirsty for the truth of me being here in this world, in this time, in this location…. My feet  hit the wet stones around that little streamlet … My knees hit the ground, tired and scared…. My lips taste of that freshness called sobriety… I totally  soaked into that  … My mind start pulling the strings of my soul …And something  snaps through my sense of survival … I pull up my eyes away from that coolish water and stare ahead… Into the eyes of that beast… Having freshness from the same stream as me.. Our eyes cross…Tiger full of stripes of anger… Its eyes full of madness…It is not the beast across me… It is just me mirroring on the water surface.. All that I am afraid of… Straight across my eyes…It stares in me like the very next prey…Looking for my  weak sides … It wants to bite me.. To  tear me on tiny pieces of thoughtless reasons of existence… I am scared… It is starving for flesh of fear…But I got nothing to lose… Just dreams captured in flesh of human life…

I find  strength to pick up myself above all of that zero ground of nothing that human weakness… And to run away… But I am not running away that beast … I am running away of what I should not be turn into… I run away from all that death and pain  that makes me feel just a creator… I run away from sadness… I run away from that pain that just fear could grow up in  my soul.. Heading the end of the jungle of my emotional catharsis… Heading to the true colour of my existence…

Stuck on the window of my future…

Staring at that nowhere- just trying to be as far as could it be away of my grey view… from where actually I stay…

Ahead is away… Down is deep… Up is unreachable…

I’m holding in my dead hands all those pictures, all those memories that I placed into the frames of my mind…Frames- painted with all those  so priceless for me colours of emotions…

Funny… Keep all those faces… Carefully gathered through all of my existing , put in those frames of my heart, placed on the dusty shelves of my otherwise so pure life…

Since all those faces  are somehow not next to me… Why I keep them so close next to me??? If I really meant something for them  why they are just photos of fake smiling illusion that  keeps in prison the frames of my heart??? Why should I lose that so tiny space of my shelf to keep all that ???? Why should I keep my ashtray full of stinky dead cigarette ash??? Isn’t it the right moment  just to throw them all through the window of my future? And just to let one last tear through my anyway empty eyes , during I’m watching how all of those  phony smiles are falling  down into the deep… Disappearing ….

I know  that the sound of breaking all those frames will hurt and will make me feel  deaf for the real smiles and moments from now on… I realize that  the glass of those frames will stab my already half-dead heart… and even the few drops of blood that are still there, are going to drown me in cold anger and heartless existing until the end of my path.

It will be hard as cold rock that will smash my mind every single moment when i try to look through the window of my future… It will be bitter-sweet drama of such a comedy called destiny.

But I should do it… I have no choice… 

I should  do it – this is the only way I could get more space on my shelf for the new and true ones…

I should do it! I should throw away all of those golden but otherwise rotten apples, out of my heaven garden so I could keep that place not so shiny but at least real and true…

I close my eyes… Last tear scar my sad face… 

Spread my palms…

Today, was staring at the clouds chasing each others… At that moment the string of my heart just told me ” Do you see that? The grey ones are pushing the white ones far away?”… At that point I start thinking what is going on in my  life… And what should go on???

I tried to point the right way by my thoughts to rest around me but I could not get a thoughtful way for me.

I tried to help but I could not get help for myself….

I tried to love but I could not get love for myself….

I tried to live for the others but could not get life for myself …

I cut flesh of my flesh to feed  all of the starving ones.

I spill words of my words to let the speech flow into the ears of the deaf ones.

I spray thoughts of my thoughts to  make the  senseless get an a reason.

I waste feelings of my feelings to make the dead hearts beat with emotion.

Let me share  piece of my mind and let you know how grey is the way to the rainbow of the happiness.

Let me give you piece of my heart and let you feel how sad is to love without to be loved.

Let me  let you taste the texture of my blood, like a lion caged his innocent prey, hot and sour but so addicting.

Let me put my wings of dreams on your back so you could realize how tiring is to fly around that lonely world.

I guess the destiny tunes are more that our voice could sing in our daily path…

I guess that spot is staffed with empty eyes, stuck minds, confused hearts and little bit of hope…

I guess that place is overcrowded with billions of feelings, tons of dreams, miles of dreams, ocean of tears and sky of sparking smiles….

Have you ever think about our souls? Have you ever think about our minds?Have you ever think about us?

Ah soul… Just a bird  staying  on the dead tree branch… Staring at the warm clothed in red horizon.After years gathering courage, spreads wings and fly towards that view with huge hope of happiness and love… And after  a few miles of lonely flight, sadly turns back head to that  dead branch.But it’s too far away, so just lands on another one- keeping the memory of the old one and its eyes on the unreachable horizon.

Ah mind… Just lonely wolf, waiting for the full moon to tickle with shine  the madness in its eyes.So it could howl until all that pain in its heart could break the darkness of the cold night.And if it is not enough… Has no choice beside to wait for the next one…

Ah people… We are just puppets … No matter how much we want love, happiness, humanity we just can not reach these, because our moves are pulled by the strings of society rules- greed, success, prosperity, money.

Before I put the dot in my sentence of that insane thinking… Before I close my mind for all those not logical for all of you thoughts… Before I shut the door of my heart for all those needs… Let me ask you this my friend… Let me ask you – what are you going to do when all those people that are sacrificing  their flesh, thoughts and feelings for you are gone?… Just because they want a smile on their faces too…

Who will swallow your sour tears? Who will brush away the dark clouds of your sad sky? Who will be the wind in your soul wings? Who will howl next to you in the cold night?

I guess if you know… you reach the perfect spot under that  storm…

I guess if you do not know… you are pretty much done with your existence as a real person and you left only with your human cover,  left out there  as a trash…

 

Piece of her

Posted: February 2, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I don’t know how’s all start… I don’t know how it happened exactly… I don’t know how it will end…

Was it just hot piece of  body…Or the way she move like a rainbow in that grey world?????. Was it just the dreams in her eyes… Or the way how the sunlight reflects in her face????Was it her sweet lips….  Or just the happiness in her smile …Was it her huge as a canyon heart…Or just a unpredicted tremble of my soul?????

I still can not answer to those questions… I still can not stop thinking about them… I still can not  forget about them…I’m still waiting  for them to warm up my wondering eyes, like a sunrise in a cold winter morning… I’m still waiting  for them to light up my hope for love, just like a camp fire a cold  night in the forest of loneliness … I’m still looking for them , like a lost traveller trying to catch a star on his nowhere path… 

And  I’m just seeking for a little hint… And I’m just  sniffing for a tiny hint… Funny…It is not predictable … And at the same time in front of my eyes all the time… 

That’s what she is- a sunlight sneaking behind the  dark stormy clouds in my life…That’s what she is- a painkiller for my already dead heart… That’s what she is- just one of many and same time the only…That’s what she is- a dream that is haunting my mind  every night…. tiny but the only  sunlight string tickles my nose in the very same old repeating everyday morning…

I don’t know how’s all start… I don’t know how it happened exactly…But I wish it will never end…