Posts Tagged ‘love’

…And my unconscious share the night with the lonely cold moon…

All my fears were soaking deep through the rocks under my numb body…

I got no idea how my tears turned into sweet pillow of tranquil insanity…

I had no idea if I will open my eyes again …

Abruptly ,  I felt how the sunrise started to burn my fresh scars…

Probably that was one of the few moments that I could say I was so happy of feeling pain … Cause that was the only way to coax my blurry mind that I am still alive.

And I was  there sizzling, enjoying my  extra minutes of vitality …

” As near you get to the peak it gets harder doesn’t it? ”

I turned my face up wondering who said that.

And there in front of my blurry vision there was an old skinny person … Barefoot , skimpy dusty clothes … I could not manage to see his face clearly cause the sun was throwing its rays straight through him …

Somehow I pull off my body of the rocks…

I stared shocked for a while at that strange person that was on the same rocky path as me…

” Who are you? What are you doing here? ” – asked him with the hope that he will make me calm with some good  news that I am not so lost…

…. He did not answer me at all…

He turned his back and slowly start walking down my path… Straight from where I was coming from…

” Hey… Stop  … I need to know where I am ? Where and when would be the end of all that?” – was shouting desperately , hoping  he will  answer me…

Even without turning his face to me he just raised his arm , pointing  the mountain behind us:

“You need to  go over there. Everyone  wants to be there. … But very few knows what they want to find there ”

” You’ve been there?” – I asked him curiously .

” Actually  , everyone of us got the chance to be there  by some reason … Otherwise why we are trying so hard ? ” – by adding this the guy shade just melt in the burning horizon …

 

And I was  running….

Running too long  ….

Suddenly, all those wild beast noises were deaden by the sigh of my exhausted by  fear lungs…

All that jungle…. All that alive chaos hide itself behind the  horizon . The  horizon that was already kissing the sunset of my nightmare…

And the pain of my bleeding bare feet start wake up my blindfolded mind…

And  I was blind … Blind by  fear … Fear of failure … Fear of being not understand … Fear of what actually  crawl in my just human soul… Of being on my own ,  of  all that endless ocean of tears  that could  drawn my dreams….

I  kept running , running and  running away… from everything that scares my inner ME….

Somehow the forest of all those fears disappeared and  were changed into rocks of  testifying my will for happiness ….

The pain of my chosen path did not stop … Actually it became even bigger… Twisting my mental limits.. Testing my will for something more than horror end…Regretting that I could die by just like that…

I’m not sure why I kept pushing my way forward … That run  actually  just put me in a  cage . Cage, built by  nothing than personal  fears and nightmares which probably never ever will exist in my real live…

So all those  rocks under my feet were nothing than pain. Pain that  actually made me  feel… Feel  and realise what’s the real life for … No sugar coated  stories … No fakes … Just real pain that actually  managed to  reject  all those delusional fears from my scared mind…

So I was running  and my path  was taking me nowhere – at first thought nothing than a hard and torturous trip… But trip that actually   led me ahead … Above  all those things  ,staying in the deep  dark   bottom of my mind…

At some point… I hobbled badly … And  even before to be able to blink, my whole wet and shaking body was scraped on the cold stones of my trail…I remember how I stayed like that for hours … With empty eyes … Just tears , spilling my thoughts all over the  rocky  ground …. No heartbeat … Just the blood from my injures … Soaking the soil with my love…

I guess that was the end? If so … Why all that story should be written and shared ?

Why should we run cause fears ? Why  should we always prefer the actual real pain … than the nightmares of our  illusive  dread?

 

Wake up on the cold beach sand….

Like the  sunrise open your eyes….

Your body- nothing just material  pack of your soul….

Your mind was sleeping for a long time…

Your soul  was drugged and drunk for ages…

And right there on the shore…

And right there where the breeze just make you  take a breath of the real live…

And right there where the sun embrace you with pure love…

You wake up…

All alone …. Just you , your mind and soul…

Some how you stand up…

Staring at the horizon with your thirsty for truth eyes….

You see infinity of future… ahead …

Just that blue  of the sea kissing that blue of the sky…

At some point, during you listen to the wind that plays cheeky  with your skin…

At some point, during you are trying to see behind the horizon of that view…

At some point you wake up …

You open your eyes for the truth in this world and get blind for all those people that just use as kerchief for their needs ….

You open your soul for the true meaning of the words love, care and desire and get death for all those that are just flashy  pulling the strings  of your so lonely heart….

You get  the sound of your true happiness  in your ears and get deaf for all those lies that are just trying to make you forgot the beat of your heart….

It is there.. You could hear it, you could see it you could even taste it with the tip of your lips… Your true meaning of existing…

You make few sleepy steps on the dry cold sand under your feet… It is getting wet … With each step you feel how your soul get closer to that horizon of happiness…

Until you realize that you are wake up and walking … Your legs are already in the sea…

It is insane … It is one time in your life being yourself ! And you are keep going ahead  more and more ,,, Into the endless and deep sea of your life… You go straight direction … Without a fear… Without a doubt … Just with your true you.. You just woke up…

Who is Path Walker?

Path Walker is just like you and me my friend. Just an ordinary guy… Having same heart just like you and me… Having mind not so different than every single person on this world…

Was born… time ago…

In the land of … somewhere…

Raised by … the wind …

Named…. Actually carry on all live with a fake name…

His home – just a pair of dusty shoes…

His own happiness – just walk around….

His heart – all around the road of his live…

His dream – just to reach the unknown end of his road…

His ideas – just step after step on that long trip…

His hope – that his on the right side of the road…

His fear – losing the direction of his adventure…

Many of us would ask how does it feel to be Path Walker?

Is it the sweet taste of wild freedom? Is it the desire to be in charge for each of your step?

Is it just the pure feel of chilling under the open night sky?

I am sure he would say that it is not about the freedom, the taste of wilderness …

It is about chasing it.

It is not about the crazy adventure of his life…

It is about living it ….

It is not about each single step and mile that he marks with his shoes…

It is about each scar that was left in his heart on his way ahead…

It could be all…

But the main idea is that the real Path Walker needs one thing in his life… A walk….

Someone up  there gifted you with all you need – life…

Life gave you all you desire for – path…

That path gave you all you wish for – dreams…

And  here you are – on your path, walking step by step, wondering when that thing called ” DREAM” will come true. And you are confused, which is the right direction. And you are scared of all that danger that you might face on your way to happiness.

You should not be ashamed of that so need needed but so missing answer- most of us do not have it too.But the main idea is not waste time of wondering…

Put your dream in front of your eyes – that is the direction. Pack in your mind all of your unique ideas – that is all of the language you need through all of that  life adventure. Start walking… Just step by step ahead…

Do not feel sorry if you step in the mud with your bare feet… Even you should be proud of it. Probably you would be the only one- brave enough to make it with dignity of a wise person.

Do not be scared of the stormy clouds above your head. This is no danger, especially if your dream is a top of a huge mountain , way above the clouds.

Do not feel miserable when your skin soaked in that pouring rain of stupor , loneliness and misunderstanding . It is just the tears of all those selfish people that are too scared to believe in their pure dreams. The tears of all those that are not brave enough to be like you.

You are completely deaf for that wind which brings to your ears the sound of all that  crowd of regret…Wind that tries to roughly spike your mind , every time when you run towards your dream.This is no pain- you are too much into the sound of your heart that beats as a tons of steal, like  a steam engine with one goal – your dream. And the weight of that massive train is about to smash every little thing that lays on your rails ….You are about to smash every little  bug of hypocrisy, every little coin of greed, every wall of social regret..

And when you are that battlefield – do not fear that you are all alone against all. Do not feel weak , because your bare hands that should face the billions of deadly blades. Do not go out there with the thought that you are about to lose your live. Go out there with that thought that you are about to prove there is a reason to keep living – the reason your dream  should come true. Go out there and spill your last drop of love for that dream. Go out there and waste your last breath of hope for that idea.Go out there with a smile of already gained victory. Because the fact you reached it over here makes you already a winner.

Stand up in front of all that could kill you with no fear. There is no way you could lose a battle that you already won . Just the fact you have got that big heart which is  brave enough to face all of your fears. Just because you are one of those knights that for most of us  these days are just a myth. Just  because you know what you want and you are ready to spill all you got  for that little taste of happiness …. All that  makes you immortal, makes your  existence reasonable and in the end there is nothing else than sweet taste of satisfaction of your right-spent life.

Tasting that glory moment  straight from the tip of your lips… You are there… Your bare feet are buried into that fresh grass of joy, that tickles you and brings smile on your face. You could see the success in the clean sky above the storm. You could hear the raw sound of that solo guitar of your well done walk.

At that point you realize that everyone could be on the top of the world , but only you could be on the top of that dream. Oxygen of fresh freedom fills up your tired lungs.Sun of happiness tender kiss your eyes. The wind of loneliness just softly play with the leaves of your memories.

On way home I was thinking…

Thinking and walking…

Staring at all those views that were reflecting in my eyes…

Just rusty street lights are kissing my shadow that moves lonely on the wet pavement…

What is all that around me? Why did I pick up that way? Where does all that lead too? What is that thing that made me do each one of those steps on your road?

And I am asking myself…And I am looking for the reason in that tiny otherwise cold-blooded thing in my chests called heart… And I keep  writing and writing… Like tracing all my thoughts with the hope that someday I will actually will realize the reason…

I guess every truly wished and needed happiness is something that we will always chase and dream for… But it could not be touched… Just like a rose- fresh, full of that red passion … And thorns … Ah those thorns- every time when you dare to touch that beautiful rose they pierce deep into your ruff skin… Sting you with that heat of sweet pain right into your so cold of loneliness heart… Funny how that feeling that hurts so bad, actually brings a honest smile on that face that was so dead time ago…

I guess it is like all of the rest on this world that brings the light of happiness in your  dark shady mind… You put  a dream in front of you- something you dream  for … Something you desire to embrace with your empty hands… Something you would like to taste with your thirsty for love lips… Something you would like to gift with your otherwise useless life…

And you start climbing that  huge hill towards that thing… And you are going and going on, no matter the cold, no matter all that illogical unpredictable storm that makes you blind and ready to suffer  all the disasters on your way to the top of your dream…And all of your fingers  are covered with nothing than your own blood, because all those sharp, dry and dusty rocks of regret that are cutting your skin as a sheet of paper…And you are drowning in your own sweat and the only thing that  keeps you breath is the hope that someday you will step on the top of your dream…

After many sleepless nights… After many lonely months… You are there on the top… You are there in front of that  “view”…But you can’t hug it, you can’t touch it… You can’t kiss it… You can’t  feel it with the tips of your fingers…All you could is all you could see faraway in the horizon that shines in your tired eyes… And that rings that feel in your heart… And that makes you smile… Happy no matter that “view” is just a view that makes you sad eyes to smile… And you feel it so close to you… And it so away from your hands…And it is so close to your soul… And it is so deep in your mind… You can’t stop watching it, thinking about it…I guess all of the biggest happiness in this world are like that… You could only appreciated it with your heart and nothing else…

And you are up there… In front of that “view”… Holding in hands that “rose”… Tasting with your eyes that dream of yours…You lose the sense of  time… You lose the feel of self-survival… And at some point a new question pops up in your so drugged by the beauty mind…Here I am… In front of all I fight for… But does that “view”  need and want me too? Does that dream really want to be my  dream  or? Does that rose really furtively wish to be in my hands???

Thorns…And nothing else… Pain… And wish could be else…

Thorns… Make me wish for all that I could be wanted for…

Thorns… that  makes me wish to be wished by my dream of my existing…

And I am there on that  hard to reach  top… In front of that admirable ” view” of my life… squeezing the rose of my heart…

 

He does not like to talk… He prefers to write… So even the deaf one  could hear his story…

He does not like to think…He loves to feel and to feel love… So he could fly away from that cold so logical lie called society…

He does not like to listen… He tries to understand… So he could let each single word to soak deep into his soul…

He does not like just to exist… He wants to live…So someday in the end , he could say with smile on his sad face ” I guess that’s life”…

He does not mind to be used… Because his heart is already pretty much worn out…

He does not care if the rest of the world  lies him all the time… He already lied to himself million of times.

He realizes  that his happiness is just a dream… But that does not make him sad…His life is already just an illusion that strangely comes to reality…

He enjoys all those love songs no matter his heart  sounds more like the soft strings of solo guitar into the quiet dark summer night…

He has nothing than a backpack of memories, dreams and ideas…But that is not a problem… He already knows that all in this material greedy world is not forever…

He needs to be loved… But he learned his lesson… Life is about give not to get…

He has no family, no friends, no love half… He accepted that… Life is to be next to someone, not someone to be next to you…

He prefers to have  billions that hate him honestly… But it is okey… He already felt how it is to be loved by hypocritical one…

He is one of those freaks that appreciate even the cold wet pavement… Just because it is so real and honest…

And here he is… In that small dark room… Far away from all that vanity, greed and public comments… Sit in front of his dusty desk… Spreading his thoughts and feelings by the touch of his finger tips. Spreading his tears and smiles all around the keyboard. Excusing himself for those  rows  with the alcohol… Hiding the real reason that  makes his heart beat as a wild animal in a tiny cage…I guess he feels himself cursed to be alone and  misunderstood… I guess he is lucky to see his own way by the stars not by the other people thoughts.

And there are no rules that put his freedom into a cage… Just page after page scoring year after year of his life on this world…Just  row after row marking his existing. Just thought after thought making up his personality. Just a word after word that tracing his breath. Just a letter after letter, pointing each single heartbeat of his already dead heart…

And he believes that he could change someone else life. And he dares to show his heart to the rest of the world. And he hopes that those letters got a point for the people on this planet. And he fights for his thoughts. And he loses all that pleasure. And he wins the meaning of life…

He does not afraid that his heart is smiling at his loneliness … He does not feel the shame that a man could deeply cry by his soul…He does not feel wrong to love the wrong one… He does not feel the pain… He feels just the dream that he could  have some other life…

He closes eyes every night with the hope that the next day he will meet the new story for his book. He wakes up with the feel that  today will be the day of changing the world. He walks around the street with a smile on his otherwise calm face, sharing the joy of breathing now right here. He shares his tears only with his heart… Guess life is already too drown in sadness… He does not mind to trade a tear of his for a smile for someone else… He just loves to change and change the love around the world.

…And every time when he thinks that his idea is done, he just rips off the page of his notebook  and throws it away… Throws it away with the hope that someday, someone will  find it out in the mud of public noise and somehow will appreciate it… Will find out the pure thoughts in that  worn out sheet of paper… And he is not counting the pages… He does not even think how much he got left to the last cover… And he is ripping off pages, throw them away… And he is ripping off pieces of his heart and share them with the rest of the world…

For all those that will pick up the pieces of my notebook

Howl

Posted: April 26, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

And it is one of those nights….

One of those nights when the full moon  reminds me the truth about me…

One of those nights when the  stars leads nowhere…..

One of those nights when I just  stare at the dark cloudy sky….

Howling, deep from my poisoned soul, like a lonely beast on that cold  cliff of sadness…

And just the wind softly touch my skin soaked with tears…

I guess I meant to be just always next to someone….

And the same time none to be next to me….

What a drama- all of my life I survive as a predator, and still could not realize that I am nothing else than a prey for my heart…

What a tragedy- all my life I was chasing  strength and success , and actually all i got on this world is just that spot on that lonely rock…

I used to think that I could be loved … Until I realized that  it’s just my empty eyes and the full moon…

It is funny how  we  feed ourselves with the smiles and tears of the others, being good people… and same time deep inside of ours we feel empty and dead… blindly  hoping that someday it won’t be just the moon next to us…

And it is night after night flirting with the moon that is changing its face every time in our eyes….

I guess that’s life- loving,chasing, hoping, howling…

 

Piece of her

Posted: February 2, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I don’t know how’s all start… I don’t know how it happened exactly… I don’t know how it will end…

Was it just hot piece of  body…Or the way she move like a rainbow in that grey world?????. Was it just the dreams in her eyes… Or the way how the sunlight reflects in her face????Was it her sweet lips….  Or just the happiness in her smile …Was it her huge as a canyon heart…Or just a unpredicted tremble of my soul?????

I still can not answer to those questions… I still can not stop thinking about them… I still can not  forget about them…I’m still waiting  for them to warm up my wondering eyes, like a sunrise in a cold winter morning… I’m still waiting  for them to light up my hope for love, just like a camp fire a cold  night in the forest of loneliness … I’m still looking for them , like a lost traveller trying to catch a star on his nowhere path… 

And  I’m just seeking for a little hint… And I’m just  sniffing for a tiny hint… Funny…It is not predictable … And at the same time in front of my eyes all the time… 

That’s what she is- a sunlight sneaking behind the  dark stormy clouds in my life…That’s what she is- a painkiller for my already dead heart… That’s what she is- just one of many and same time the only…That’s what she is- a dream that is haunting my mind  every night…. tiny but the only  sunlight string tickles my nose in the very same old repeating everyday morning…

I don’t know how’s all start… I don’t know how it happened exactly…But I wish it will never end…