Posts Tagged ‘human’

…And my unconscious share the night with the lonely cold moon…

All my fears were soaking deep through the rocks under my numb body…

I got no idea how my tears turned into sweet pillow of tranquil insanity…

I had no idea if I will open my eyes again …

Abruptly ,  I felt how the sunrise started to burn my fresh scars…

Probably that was one of the few moments that I could say I was so happy of feeling pain … Cause that was the only way to coax my blurry mind that I am still alive.

And I was  there sizzling, enjoying my  extra minutes of vitality …

” As near you get to the peak it gets harder doesn’t it? ”

I turned my face up wondering who said that.

And there in front of my blurry vision there was an old skinny person … Barefoot , skimpy dusty clothes … I could not manage to see his face clearly cause the sun was throwing its rays straight through him …

Somehow I pull off my body of the rocks…

I stared shocked for a while at that strange person that was on the same rocky path as me…

” Who are you? What are you doing here? ” – asked him with the hope that he will make me calm with some good  news that I am not so lost…

…. He did not answer me at all…

He turned his back and slowly start walking down my path… Straight from where I was coming from…

” Hey… Stop  … I need to know where I am ? Where and when would be the end of all that?” – was shouting desperately , hoping  he will  answer me…

Even without turning his face to me he just raised his arm , pointing  the mountain behind us:

“You need to  go over there. Everyone  wants to be there. … But very few knows what they want to find there ”

” You’ve been there?” – I asked him curiously .

” Actually  , everyone of us got the chance to be there  by some reason … Otherwise why we are trying so hard ? ” – by adding this the guy shade just melt in the burning horizon …

 

And I was  running….

Running too long  ….

Suddenly, all those wild beast noises were deaden by the sigh of my exhausted by  fear lungs…

All that jungle…. All that alive chaos hide itself behind the  horizon . The  horizon that was already kissing the sunset of my nightmare…

And the pain of my bleeding bare feet start wake up my blindfolded mind…

And  I was blind … Blind by  fear … Fear of failure … Fear of being not understand … Fear of what actually  crawl in my just human soul… Of being on my own ,  of  all that endless ocean of tears  that could  drawn my dreams….

I  kept running , running and  running away… from everything that scares my inner ME….

Somehow the forest of all those fears disappeared and  were changed into rocks of  testifying my will for happiness ….

The pain of my chosen path did not stop … Actually it became even bigger… Twisting my mental limits.. Testing my will for something more than horror end…Regretting that I could die by just like that…

I’m not sure why I kept pushing my way forward … That run  actually  just put me in a  cage . Cage, built by  nothing than personal  fears and nightmares which probably never ever will exist in my real live…

So all those  rocks under my feet were nothing than pain. Pain that  actually made me  feel… Feel  and realise what’s the real life for … No sugar coated  stories … No fakes … Just real pain that actually  managed to  reject  all those delusional fears from my scared mind…

So I was running  and my path  was taking me nowhere – at first thought nothing than a hard and torturous trip… But trip that actually   led me ahead … Above  all those things  ,staying in the deep  dark   bottom of my mind…

At some point… I hobbled badly … And  even before to be able to blink, my whole wet and shaking body was scraped on the cold stones of my trail…I remember how I stayed like that for hours … With empty eyes … Just tears , spilling my thoughts all over the  rocky  ground …. No heartbeat … Just the blood from my injures … Soaking the soil with my love…

I guess that was the end? If so … Why all that story should be written and shared ?

Why should we run cause fears ? Why  should we always prefer the actual real pain … than the nightmares of our  illusive  dread?

 

Today, was staring at the clouds chasing each others… At that moment the string of my heart just told me ” Do you see that? The grey ones are pushing the white ones far away?”… At that point I start thinking what is going on in my  life… And what should go on???

I tried to point the right way by my thoughts to rest around me but I could not get a thoughtful way for me.

I tried to help but I could not get help for myself….

I tried to love but I could not get love for myself….

I tried to live for the others but could not get life for myself …

I cut flesh of my flesh to feed  all of the starving ones.

I spill words of my words to let the speech flow into the ears of the deaf ones.

I spray thoughts of my thoughts to  make the  senseless get an a reason.

I waste feelings of my feelings to make the dead hearts beat with emotion.

Let me share  piece of my mind and let you know how grey is the way to the rainbow of the happiness.

Let me give you piece of my heart and let you feel how sad is to love without to be loved.

Let me  let you taste the texture of my blood, like a lion caged his innocent prey, hot and sour but so addicting.

Let me put my wings of dreams on your back so you could realize how tiring is to fly around that lonely world.

I guess the destiny tunes are more that our voice could sing in our daily path…

I guess that spot is staffed with empty eyes, stuck minds, confused hearts and little bit of hope…

I guess that place is overcrowded with billions of feelings, tons of dreams, miles of dreams, ocean of tears and sky of sparking smiles….

Have you ever think about our souls? Have you ever think about our minds?Have you ever think about us?

Ah soul… Just a bird  staying  on the dead tree branch… Staring at the warm clothed in red horizon.After years gathering courage, spreads wings and fly towards that view with huge hope of happiness and love… And after  a few miles of lonely flight, sadly turns back head to that  dead branch.But it’s too far away, so just lands on another one- keeping the memory of the old one and its eyes on the unreachable horizon.

Ah mind… Just lonely wolf, waiting for the full moon to tickle with shine  the madness in its eyes.So it could howl until all that pain in its heart could break the darkness of the cold night.And if it is not enough… Has no choice beside to wait for the next one…

Ah people… We are just puppets … No matter how much we want love, happiness, humanity we just can not reach these, because our moves are pulled by the strings of society rules- greed, success, prosperity, money.

Before I put the dot in my sentence of that insane thinking… Before I close my mind for all those not logical for all of you thoughts… Before I shut the door of my heart for all those needs… Let me ask you this my friend… Let me ask you – what are you going to do when all those people that are sacrificing  their flesh, thoughts and feelings for you are gone?… Just because they want a smile on their faces too…

Who will swallow your sour tears? Who will brush away the dark clouds of your sad sky? Who will be the wind in your soul wings? Who will howl next to you in the cold night?

I guess if you know… you reach the perfect spot under that  storm…

I guess if you do not know… you are pretty much done with your existence as a real person and you left only with your human cover,  left out there  as a trash…