Posts Tagged ‘future’

…And my unconscious share the night with the lonely cold moon…

All my fears were soaking deep through the rocks under my numb body…

I got no idea how my tears turned into sweet pillow of tranquil insanity…

I had no idea if I will open my eyes again …

Abruptly ,  I felt how the sunrise started to burn my fresh scars…

Probably that was one of the few moments that I could say I was so happy of feeling pain … Cause that was the only way to coax my blurry mind that I am still alive.

And I was  there sizzling, enjoying my  extra minutes of vitality …

” As near you get to the peak it gets harder doesn’t it? ”

I turned my face up wondering who said that.

And there in front of my blurry vision there was an old skinny person … Barefoot , skimpy dusty clothes … I could not manage to see his face clearly cause the sun was throwing its rays straight through him …

Somehow I pull off my body of the rocks…

I stared shocked for a while at that strange person that was on the same rocky path as me…

” Who are you? What are you doing here? ” – asked him with the hope that he will make me calm with some good  news that I am not so lost…

…. He did not answer me at all…

He turned his back and slowly start walking down my path… Straight from where I was coming from…

” Hey… Stop  … I need to know where I am ? Where and when would be the end of all that?” – was shouting desperately , hoping  he will  answer me…

Even without turning his face to me he just raised his arm , pointing  the mountain behind us:

“You need to  go over there. Everyone  wants to be there. … But very few knows what they want to find there ”

” You’ve been there?” – I asked him curiously .

” Actually  , everyone of us got the chance to be there  by some reason … Otherwise why we are trying so hard ? ” – by adding this the guy shade just melt in the burning horizon …

 

Stuck on the window of my future…

Staring at that nowhere- just trying to be as far as could it be away of my grey view… from where actually I stay…

Ahead is away… Down is deep… Up is unreachable…

I’m holding in my dead hands all those pictures, all those memories that I placed into the frames of my mind…Frames- painted with all those  so priceless for me colours of emotions…

Funny… Keep all those faces… Carefully gathered through all of my existing , put in those frames of my heart, placed on the dusty shelves of my otherwise so pure life…

Since all those faces  are somehow not next to me… Why I keep them so close next to me??? If I really meant something for them  why they are just photos of fake smiling illusion that  keeps in prison the frames of my heart??? Why should I lose that so tiny space of my shelf to keep all that ???? Why should I keep my ashtray full of stinky dead cigarette ash??? Isn’t it the right moment  just to throw them all through the window of my future? And just to let one last tear through my anyway empty eyes , during I’m watching how all of those  phony smiles are falling  down into the deep… Disappearing ….

I know  that the sound of breaking all those frames will hurt and will make me feel  deaf for the real smiles and moments from now on… I realize that  the glass of those frames will stab my already half-dead heart… and even the few drops of blood that are still there, are going to drown me in cold anger and heartless existing until the end of my path.

It will be hard as cold rock that will smash my mind every single moment when i try to look through the window of my future… It will be bitter-sweet drama of such a comedy called destiny.

But I should do it… I have no choice… 

I should  do it – this is the only way I could get more space on my shelf for the new and true ones…

I should do it! I should throw away all of those golden but otherwise rotten apples, out of my heaven garden so I could keep that place not so shiny but at least real and true…

I close my eyes… Last tear scar my sad face… 

Spread my palms…